I don't remember much before the age of five or so (as many don't I am sure). But from that time on, the memories come to me like a flood, the sun-soaked days spent building "girls only" club houses in the front yard, the games of Simon Says with the neighbors mom in which I always lost, the disaster of a lemonade stand that turned no profits but was a great learning experience. Those truly were the days! It was in those days that I learned the value of friendship, what cucumbers tasted like with salt, and that no matter how much I thought I was, that I wasn't really a rebel at all. The rebel years came much later, when I learned how to hold a cigarette, do a lemon drop shot, and live with the consequences of both.
It was in those early years that the most crucial aspects of my personality were formed. In that time, I was taught many lessons.....
Be kind to all : this lesson was learned due to the childish and catty behavior that the neighbor boy and I showed to the kid down the road. I look back now and wonder how I thought it possible to pick on somebody that had no defense, that had no boy next door standing by his side backing him and spewing forth the childish taunts and sharp words that I did. I too was picked on as a child, but who wasn't? And excuses such as that are no excuse to release your aggression on an innocent bystander. I can honestly say now that while I look back on that situation with regret heavy in my heart, that I do my damnedest to show kindness and generosity in equal measure to everyone I come across, after all we are all human, we are all in this together.
Value your relationship with your parents: Although in my teenage years, I decided that my parents sole purpose was to make my life hell (what angst I held) I knew before then and learned further later that this couldn't have been farther from the truth. My parents wanted nothing but good things for me, as most parents do; but you could have sworn on a pack of Marlboros during my teenage years that they were only trying to look out for me and I would have rolled my eyes and spat some sort of catty remark out as though it were my job. Here I sit years later, looking back on my teenage years minus one parent and the other on the brink of here and gone, and I can tell you from the depths of my being what it means to appreciate them. I appreciate every word I am capable of sharing, every lingering hug and forehead kiss, because from where I stand today, I can see the end, and while I know it is inevitable I want to face it with an open heart and quiet understanding.
Don't love the first boy that you fall for (on second thought, DO love the first boy you fall for): If you know me quite well, then you know the name of my first love, if not I am not going to use his name because I am not capable of contacting him for permission, but we will call him Ben. I met Ben when I was sixteen, and he quickly became my world, we were each others worlds quite honestly, we revolved around each other and depended on each other for every last breath. This kind of love I understand now is smothering and codependent, but man at sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, and part of nineteen it felt glorious ! I had a boy that wanted ME and only me, and he LOVED me. I was the luckiest girl in my high school, he waited patiently everyday for me out front of that school,in his pseudo-station wagon, with a smile on his face and tendrils of long hair in his eyes, ready to head out and see what sort of adventure we could find or trouble we could cause. It was through him that I was able to gain the basic concept of what love is, it was also through that I was able to know what it felt like to be completely smothered and feel the flame of lust and adoration snuffed out slowly and painfully. My god did it hurt at the time, to see him hurt so bad and know that I caused it,but looking back I am incredibly grateful for the roller coaster of emotions that I felt back then, good or bad, I felt alive, I felt alive without consequence, and never again will I be able to say that. So yes, go ahead and fall stupid head over heels in adoration and drooling puppy love, because you will never feel that again, it is a one time reserved feeling!
Appreciate your friendships: It is true and it is sad that friendships fade from high school into adulthood, and as much as it sucks, it is a fact of life.I have to say that when it comes to this subject I have been exceptionally lucky, the friend dearest to me has been dear to me since birth, she was born about two years after me. We were reared together, we had nicknames together, we share blood, she is my niece. It was always fun trying to describe this situation to people that didn't understand our family, so most of the time we chose to just understand each other. She and I by every definition grew up together, we were in may instances closer than sisters, and also at times worst enemies, we went long periods of time not speaking and holding grudges (which we both excel at), but here we are today, women! Women that have come to know heartbreak as well as pure joy, women that have traveled and ventured, women that have overcome obstacles others doubted, women! I cannot speak for my her, but she is very much a part of me, we may live miles and miles apart and not even speak everyday, we may work in totally opposite spectrum's of the career world, we may be as different as two people could possibly be, but I appreciate her for what she has shown me, allowed me to understand, and for being my friend, I appreciate her for the childhood memories I hold so dear (as well as the one's I wish to forget) I appreciate her!
You are never too old to watch cartoons and eat cereal out of the biggest bowl in the house: It's all about the inner child, I am not sure that I have yet grasped this concept, but I am well on my way. I have recently come to the conclusion that regression may not be healthy, but appreciating the unrestricted freedom of a Saturday morning, work nonexistent, and obligation only to the remote control, that is healthy!!! God those were the days, the days when I would wake up early just to watch cartoons with commercial introductions sung in the catchy "After these messages we'll be riiiight back" tune, eating fruit loops or whatever sugar high of a cereal was on hand at the time, those mornings when I felt completely free and had no idea at the time that that was freedom. I will never be able to recreate those mornings, but man reliving the memory sure brings back a rush (or maybe that is from the cereal).
You always think you know more than you do: From what I can tell, this will be true your whole life (exhibit A. this whole list), you will always assume that because we are such worldly creatures, that we know almost everything. We know a little bit about a lot of things, but as far as massive mind blowing, life altering epiphanies go, we don't really know jack. It feels good to believe that we are shedding light on the life of someone else, with wisdom from our own, but really, honestly, it is self fulfilling. I don't mean this in a derrogatory way, just that as simply as I can put it, we always think we know more than we do, and good for us, it is good to believe something.
xoxoxoxoxo
Nicole
It was in those early years that the most crucial aspects of my personality were formed. In that time, I was taught many lessons.....
Be kind to all : this lesson was learned due to the childish and catty behavior that the neighbor boy and I showed to the kid down the road. I look back now and wonder how I thought it possible to pick on somebody that had no defense, that had no boy next door standing by his side backing him and spewing forth the childish taunts and sharp words that I did. I too was picked on as a child, but who wasn't? And excuses such as that are no excuse to release your aggression on an innocent bystander. I can honestly say now that while I look back on that situation with regret heavy in my heart, that I do my damnedest to show kindness and generosity in equal measure to everyone I come across, after all we are all human, we are all in this together.
Value your relationship with your parents: Although in my teenage years, I decided that my parents sole purpose was to make my life hell (what angst I held) I knew before then and learned further later that this couldn't have been farther from the truth. My parents wanted nothing but good things for me, as most parents do; but you could have sworn on a pack of Marlboros during my teenage years that they were only trying to look out for me and I would have rolled my eyes and spat some sort of catty remark out as though it were my job. Here I sit years later, looking back on my teenage years minus one parent and the other on the brink of here and gone, and I can tell you from the depths of my being what it means to appreciate them. I appreciate every word I am capable of sharing, every lingering hug and forehead kiss, because from where I stand today, I can see the end, and while I know it is inevitable I want to face it with an open heart and quiet understanding.
Don't love the first boy that you fall for (on second thought, DO love the first boy you fall for): If you know me quite well, then you know the name of my first love, if not I am not going to use his name because I am not capable of contacting him for permission, but we will call him Ben. I met Ben when I was sixteen, and he quickly became my world, we were each others worlds quite honestly, we revolved around each other and depended on each other for every last breath. This kind of love I understand now is smothering and codependent, but man at sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, and part of nineteen it felt glorious ! I had a boy that wanted ME and only me, and he LOVED me. I was the luckiest girl in my high school, he waited patiently everyday for me out front of that school,in his pseudo-station wagon, with a smile on his face and tendrils of long hair in his eyes, ready to head out and see what sort of adventure we could find or trouble we could cause. It was through him that I was able to gain the basic concept of what love is, it was also through that I was able to know what it felt like to be completely smothered and feel the flame of lust and adoration snuffed out slowly and painfully. My god did it hurt at the time, to see him hurt so bad and know that I caused it,but looking back I am incredibly grateful for the roller coaster of emotions that I felt back then, good or bad, I felt alive, I felt alive without consequence, and never again will I be able to say that. So yes, go ahead and fall stupid head over heels in adoration and drooling puppy love, because you will never feel that again, it is a one time reserved feeling!
Appreciate your friendships: It is true and it is sad that friendships fade from high school into adulthood, and as much as it sucks, it is a fact of life.I have to say that when it comes to this subject I have been exceptionally lucky, the friend dearest to me has been dear to me since birth, she was born about two years after me. We were reared together, we had nicknames together, we share blood, she is my niece. It was always fun trying to describe this situation to people that didn't understand our family, so most of the time we chose to just understand each other. She and I by every definition grew up together, we were in may instances closer than sisters, and also at times worst enemies, we went long periods of time not speaking and holding grudges (which we both excel at), but here we are today, women! Women that have come to know heartbreak as well as pure joy, women that have traveled and ventured, women that have overcome obstacles others doubted, women! I cannot speak for my her, but she is very much a part of me, we may live miles and miles apart and not even speak everyday, we may work in totally opposite spectrum's of the career world, we may be as different as two people could possibly be, but I appreciate her for what she has shown me, allowed me to understand, and for being my friend, I appreciate her for the childhood memories I hold so dear (as well as the one's I wish to forget) I appreciate her!
You are never too old to watch cartoons and eat cereal out of the biggest bowl in the house: It's all about the inner child, I am not sure that I have yet grasped this concept, but I am well on my way. I have recently come to the conclusion that regression may not be healthy, but appreciating the unrestricted freedom of a Saturday morning, work nonexistent, and obligation only to the remote control, that is healthy!!! God those were the days, the days when I would wake up early just to watch cartoons with commercial introductions sung in the catchy "After these messages we'll be riiiight back" tune, eating fruit loops or whatever sugar high of a cereal was on hand at the time, those mornings when I felt completely free and had no idea at the time that that was freedom. I will never be able to recreate those mornings, but man reliving the memory sure brings back a rush (or maybe that is from the cereal).
You always think you know more than you do: From what I can tell, this will be true your whole life (exhibit A. this whole list), you will always assume that because we are such worldly creatures, that we know almost everything. We know a little bit about a lot of things, but as far as massive mind blowing, life altering epiphanies go, we don't really know jack. It feels good to believe that we are shedding light on the life of someone else, with wisdom from our own, but really, honestly, it is self fulfilling. I don't mean this in a derrogatory way, just that as simply as I can put it, we always think we know more than we do, and good for us, it is good to believe something.
xoxoxoxoxo
Nicole
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