I have been a very naughty blogger as of late. I have not posted a blog in so long that I have forgotten how long it has been. Why? I have no real reason why, instead I have many little reasons... Life has not been easy, and while those words may not mean much in themselves, allow me to say that I have been going through some times that I felt if shared would most certainly turn many away from me. All the while, I had that constant nagging at the back of my mind screaming, telling me that such a thing is not true. You see, in case you could not tell yet I am a bit of a headcase, I take small meaningless situations and turn them into problems of epic proportions.
I have been caught up in a whirlwind these last couple of months, and when I say that i don't mean in a cute Marilyn Monroe's dress kinda way, I mean in Dorothy meets the yellow brick road kinda way. My life has been lifted up, spun around, and dropped in some foreign place. It took me a while (like 6 months) to really realize that I am indeed far far away from "home", and that sometimes as cliche as it is you have only yourself to rely on. Which quite honestly is not exactly reassuring considering that I am more passive that fucking Winnie the Pooh.
I have been lost! I have been completely lifted from my comfort zone (cigarettes and all) and dropped into these new shoes in which I am trying to fit but am having a hard time wearing in. I had grown all too comfortable with my life or so I am being reminded on a daily basis, I should know by now to take life one day at a time and not plan too far into the future as it is never guaranteed, but does that stop me? Of course not...I like to think that is the dreamer in me, either the dreamer or the 10 year old that refuses to die!
I am trying my damndest to be a healthy and happy person, but damn it it is hard. I have quit smoking, (woohoo...apparently all that does is make you go through withdrawal....p.s this cynicism is momentary, it comes and goes) and started exercising, both HUGE giant steps toward a better Nicole, but alas I am let down by both. Quitting smoking is a bitch, I think about cigarettes more than sex and THAT is sad, and as far as the elliptical/exercise thing goes I have seen a total of seven pounds drop off. I have worked my ass off for two damn months and seen such a small number, screw that I say!!!! I tried running again yesterday with Dustin, and I remember why I hate it! I don't know how it is possible that people do it for fun, ( I hated it so much that I wanted to curse the poor people running by me that looked like they were enjoying themselves, don't worry though I am too passive to say anything to them so I waited until they passed and shared my frustration with Dustin) I will however lace my shoes up tomorrow and give it another go, quite honestly because I am stupid and still have dreams of some day resembling Kate Hudson!
I owe much more that all of that verbal diarrhea as an excuse for a two month hiatus, but quite honestly I can't really muster any more right now, I am currently frustrated and if I were to insert an emoticon here it would surely have little red cheeks and fury of birds flying around its head.
xoxoxoxo
Nicole
I have been caught up in a whirlwind these last couple of months, and when I say that i don't mean in a cute Marilyn Monroe's dress kinda way, I mean in Dorothy meets the yellow brick road kinda way. My life has been lifted up, spun around, and dropped in some foreign place. It took me a while (like 6 months) to really realize that I am indeed far far away from "home", and that sometimes as cliche as it is you have only yourself to rely on. Which quite honestly is not exactly reassuring considering that I am more passive that fucking Winnie the Pooh.
I have been lost! I have been completely lifted from my comfort zone (cigarettes and all) and dropped into these new shoes in which I am trying to fit but am having a hard time wearing in. I had grown all too comfortable with my life or so I am being reminded on a daily basis, I should know by now to take life one day at a time and not plan too far into the future as it is never guaranteed, but does that stop me? Of course not...I like to think that is the dreamer in me, either the dreamer or the 10 year old that refuses to die!
I am trying my damndest to be a healthy and happy person, but damn it it is hard. I have quit smoking, (woohoo...apparently all that does is make you go through withdrawal....p.s this cynicism is momentary, it comes and goes) and started exercising, both HUGE giant steps toward a better Nicole, but alas I am let down by both. Quitting smoking is a bitch, I think about cigarettes more than sex and THAT is sad, and as far as the elliptical/exercise thing goes I have seen a total of seven pounds drop off. I have worked my ass off for two damn months and seen such a small number, screw that I say!!!! I tried running again yesterday with Dustin, and I remember why I hate it! I don't know how it is possible that people do it for fun, ( I hated it so much that I wanted to curse the poor people running by me that looked like they were enjoying themselves, don't worry though I am too passive to say anything to them so I waited until they passed and shared my frustration with Dustin) I will however lace my shoes up tomorrow and give it another go, quite honestly because I am stupid and still have dreams of some day resembling Kate Hudson!
I owe much more that all of that verbal diarrhea as an excuse for a two month hiatus, but quite honestly I can't really muster any more right now, I am currently frustrated and if I were to insert an emoticon here it would surely have little red cheeks and fury of birds flying around its head.
xoxoxoxo
Nicole
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