Where do I begin, I feel as though a new blog all together would be a good starting place, however I have to work with what I have. I have not blogged in such a long time, I have so much to say, but I feel as though allowing my fingers to type away, mind somewhere present will work too.
In the last year or so, I have lost my last remaining parent. watched my brother marry his absolute equal. and a whole lot of in between stuff that while it has affected me, is not meant to be public knowledge. I am not trying to be mysterious or anything of the sort,, but I do have to say that while I have before encountered some moments of influence, this last year just slapped me in the face and said "lady yoiu ain't seen nothing yet". This last year has shown me (whether I like it or not) that I am indeed an adult, and not just by age anytmore.
I was 21 when my dad died and shit, that hurt. It took a long time before I realized exactly what it was like to not have my daddy at my disposal.That was a rough patch, there were tears, fits, and questions as to why "I" was forced to learn this lesson: but I pulled through, (we all do when forced), all the while however, I had my mom, my rock to give me answers to the why's. She was there, she gave me foundation, her words, her demeanor, they gave me reaqson enough to believe that while this hoouse of cards we play as life isn't fair, that there is always a reason, a purpose.
My rock, my mom died on January 25th, my voice of reason went with her. For so many damn years I had relied on her, for so long I was coddled, I am not selfish or stupid enough to think that when she died so did my spirit, but a part of me left in that same room. I had for so damn long been treasured and adfored, I was the baby, after 8 children I just kind of unexpectedly happened, I had the luxury of not only two parents that adored me, but also 8 older siblings that wanted nothing more than to be a part of my upbringing. But, in the wake of being deemed parentless, while I absdolutely and unconditionally love my siblings, I do not wish for another mother or father, I want to be surounded by those that know and understand why I am who I am..
With all of this self awakening and supposed self awareness that has happpened to me in this last year I have to say I have found such a wonderful, caring, and attentive second half. I have been graced with him, and he is everything I could ever ask for. He, compliments me so, I saved him for the end opf this blog, because as shitty as this year has been he is the best thing to have happened to me in a long time.
As hard as life can be, ( and I t may sound dramatic)but as much as reality hurts, just know that no matter what, there is always a silver lining, and this comes to you from one of the best, most practiced pessimists around, life is downright shitty and unfair sometimes, but there is ALWAYS that something or someone that makes it all worth the while.
In the last year or so, I have lost my last remaining parent. watched my brother marry his absolute equal. and a whole lot of in between stuff that while it has affected me, is not meant to be public knowledge. I am not trying to be mysterious or anything of the sort,, but I do have to say that while I have before encountered some moments of influence, this last year just slapped me in the face and said "lady yoiu ain't seen nothing yet". This last year has shown me (whether I like it or not) that I am indeed an adult, and not just by age anytmore.
I was 21 when my dad died and shit, that hurt. It took a long time before I realized exactly what it was like to not have my daddy at my disposal.That was a rough patch, there were tears, fits, and questions as to why "I" was forced to learn this lesson: but I pulled through, (we all do when forced), all the while however, I had my mom, my rock to give me answers to the why's. She was there, she gave me foundation, her words, her demeanor, they gave me reaqson enough to believe that while this hoouse of cards we play as life isn't fair, that there is always a reason, a purpose.
My rock, my mom died on January 25th, my voice of reason went with her. For so many damn years I had relied on her, for so long I was coddled, I am not selfish or stupid enough to think that when she died so did my spirit, but a part of me left in that same room. I had for so damn long been treasured and adfored, I was the baby, after 8 children I just kind of unexpectedly happened, I had the luxury of not only two parents that adored me, but also 8 older siblings that wanted nothing more than to be a part of my upbringing. But, in the wake of being deemed parentless, while I absdolutely and unconditionally love my siblings, I do not wish for another mother or father, I want to be surounded by those that know and understand why I am who I am..
With all of this self awakening and supposed self awareness that has happpened to me in this last year I have to say I have found such a wonderful, caring, and attentive second half. I have been graced with him, and he is everything I could ever ask for. He, compliments me so, I saved him for the end opf this blog, because as shitty as this year has been he is the best thing to have happened to me in a long time.
As hard as life can be, ( and I t may sound dramatic)but as much as reality hurts, just know that no matter what, there is always a silver lining, and this comes to you from one of the best, most practiced pessimists around, life is downright shitty and unfair sometimes, but there is ALWAYS that something or someone that makes it all worth the while.
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