I am stuck. I want nothing more than to sit here and type out the musings of my everyday life, however I fear that once I let life know that I am happy, content, great even, that it will give me the old reality kick to the head.Truth is, that while this year has brought so much grief, with it has also come so much understanding. So much realization that sometimes things fall apart for a reason.
Losing my mom this year by far weighs more heavily on my shoulders than anything else. however I have to say, that while I fully expected myself to become a bumbling mess of nothingness when she passed, I have been nothing of the sort. I miss her so damned much, I long for her words of, comfort, but I also know that this longing is only natural. Missing these things is part of the cycle of losing a loved one, a natural part of of grief, you may shed that person's presence, however all of the laughs, tears, hugs, and kisses become a part of you. It is in those moments, those memories in which she became a part of me; I used to scoff at the physical traits of hers that I had acquired, all the while not realizing that it wasnt just her nose and chin that she handed down to me, but also her thirst for knowledge, not just of the trivial sort, but a thirst for understanding. I long to know why people are who they are, why we do and say the things we do, because of her, I always try and put myself in the other persons shoes before making any assumptions, because of her I know how much of a difference it makes to hold the door for a stranger, that a smile can go oh so far, and that if nothing else always being genuine is of utmost importance We all have a genuine self, we may try and cover it up, pretend that we dont recognize it when times are rough, but at the end of everyday, we have been dealt the same hand, we are all given the ability to find ourselves through others, and while I am guilty too, that is where all of the answers are.It is through our everyday formalities that our true potential shines, it is in those tiny possibilities that we are are able to really understand who we are at the core.
It is in this last year that I have realized just how damn lucky I am, I am surrounded by so many people that love and adore me. It is also in this last year that I have really been able to understand what it is to be loved unconditionally. I know that sounds cheesy, and it is nothing short of bittersweet, however in this year I have found myself reacquainted with someone that fits me. This someone, has made things seem just if not a little bit better, he has patience, understanding, and above all just the right amount of sarcasm. He grounds me when needed, and supports me when my imagination goes astray, he laughs at my silly misunderstandings, and comforts me me when I hit my lows. He is wonderful.
life always throws curveballs, and I am not silly enough to say that I have seen or experienced all that I will, but for one little year has come so much change, and with so much change has come so much understanding.
Losing my mom this year by far weighs more heavily on my shoulders than anything else. however I have to say, that while I fully expected myself to become a bumbling mess of nothingness when she passed, I have been nothing of the sort. I miss her so damned much, I long for her words of, comfort, but I also know that this longing is only natural. Missing these things is part of the cycle of losing a loved one, a natural part of of grief, you may shed that person's presence, however all of the laughs, tears, hugs, and kisses become a part of you. It is in those moments, those memories in which she became a part of me; I used to scoff at the physical traits of hers that I had acquired, all the while not realizing that it wasnt just her nose and chin that she handed down to me, but also her thirst for knowledge, not just of the trivial sort, but a thirst for understanding. I long to know why people are who they are, why we do and say the things we do, because of her, I always try and put myself in the other persons shoes before making any assumptions, because of her I know how much of a difference it makes to hold the door for a stranger, that a smile can go oh so far, and that if nothing else always being genuine is of utmost importance We all have a genuine self, we may try and cover it up, pretend that we dont recognize it when times are rough, but at the end of everyday, we have been dealt the same hand, we are all given the ability to find ourselves through others, and while I am guilty too, that is where all of the answers are.It is through our everyday formalities that our true potential shines, it is in those tiny possibilities that we are are able to really understand who we are at the core.
It is in this last year that I have realized just how damn lucky I am, I am surrounded by so many people that love and adore me. It is also in this last year that I have really been able to understand what it is to be loved unconditionally. I know that sounds cheesy, and it is nothing short of bittersweet, however in this year I have found myself reacquainted with someone that fits me. This someone, has made things seem just if not a little bit better, he has patience, understanding, and above all just the right amount of sarcasm. He grounds me when needed, and supports me when my imagination goes astray, he laughs at my silly misunderstandings, and comforts me me when I hit my lows. He is wonderful.
life always throws curveballs, and I am not silly enough to say that I have seen or experienced all that I will, but for one little year has come so much change, and with so much change has come so much understanding.
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